HIYAS!!!!! I'm not Margie, I'm her daughter, Lindsey. I'm bored so I thought that I would post a list of funny things to do at Wal-Mart. Why you may ask? 2 reasons. 1, 'cause I'm BORED. 2, Because mom hasn't posted a blog in FOREVER!!!!!!! 'Kay, here it is!!!!
20 Things to do at Wal-Mart
1. Get 24 boxes of Ladys underwear and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
17. Challenge people to duels in the back aisles with wrapping paper tubes.
18. Have a conversation with yourself loud enough so that people in the other aisles can hear you.
So no- I didn't write this, it is from The Onion- but I thought it was funny and might make up for how long it is taking me to do my meme and picture tag!
Twisted Sister was one of the first albums I owned. The cover with Dee Snyder gnawing on a bone just felt so dangerous and wrong that I know it had to be good! I recently downloaded loaded a few of their songs onto Lindsey's Ipod without asking her (and a bunch of Aerosmith, some Beastie Boyz & Joan Jett- you know- classics!)- cuz- she doesn't know what she likes yet... it's up to me to teach her- right? I had to do something to counterbalance the Jonas Brothers and High School Musical tracks.
Members Of Twisted Sister Now Willing To Take It
September 29, 2008 Issue 44•40
NEW YORK—In a stunning reversal of their long-stated reluctance to take it, members of heavy-metal band Twisted Sister announced Monday that, after 24 years of fervent refusal, they are now willing to take it. "I acknowledge that we promised not to take it anymore, but things change. The world is a different place today, and with that in mind, we would like to go on record as saying that, starting right now, we are going to take it," read a statement released by the band's lead singer, Dee Snider. "To clarify, we would still prefer not to take it, but as of now, taking it is an option that we would be open to. That is all." Bassist Mark "the Animal" Mendoza also stated that, in regards to what he wants to do with his life, he no longer solely wants to rock, but would instead prefer doing other things, such as raising a family and working as a claims adjuster in Rye, NY.
Today, Lindsey made the mistake of tackling the remote away from Ricky and surfing through Hanna Montana and Wizards of Waverly Place while we boo'd and heckled her only to stop on some random program that was highlighting celebrity Smurf figurines. Oh, it was ON after that and she will live to rue the day... RUE it I tell you!!! (She already does BTW)
Ricky: "Give me back the Smurfin' remote before I Smurf you!"
Me: "Yeah, you Smurfing Smurfy Smurf!
Lindsey: "AAAhh, what the heck, you freaks!"
Me: "Don't you Smurf off to Papa Smurf like that... that's just Smurful and will not be Smurfed around here!"
Ricky: "Yeah, don't make me Smurf open a can of Smurf on your Smurf... you unSmurfull Smurfity Smurf-Smurf!"
Lindsey: "Stop... you're scaring me!"
Us: "You should have Smurfed of that before you Smurfed the Smurf and Smurfed the channel!"
Lindsey: Nothing- by this time, she is slowly walking to her room with her head in her hands to come to terms with the fact that she is stuck with us for 7 more years.
It's Halloween time! If you know me, you l know I LUVS me some Halloween. First, I get all excited and buy candy the first week of October so I can be, you know, prepared. Then, oops, somehow it gets accidentally opened and devoured. Multiply this sequence of events by about 4 or 5 before the actual big night which then finds me running to WinCo to buy waaay too much of whatever candy is left because I DO NOT want to be that house that runs out of candy. No sirree- the only thing worse, is being the house that is handing out toothbrushes. What is up with those people? Spending the day after Halloween unwrapping TP off of their trees and bushes- that's what!
My parents were just not into Halloween. If we got a pumpkin, it was out of a bin in front of the grocery store the day before Halloween and let's just say, I dressed up like a hobo a lot. While my friends all had rockin costumes that their mothers had lovingly made, or purchased, I would end up grabbing one of my dad's flannel shirts and making "whiskers" on my face with mascara. Oh well, there are worse things in life, but don't let that resignation fool you into thinking that despite that, I don't ridiculously overcompensate with my own kids!
We go to a REAL pumpkin patch every year. And not those lame, pretend pumpkin patches that just truck pumpkins in and scatter them all over the ground with some straw... that's an abomination! I want to see the vine from which my gourd hath grown!
No last minute hobo costumes for my kids either. Because I LOVEmy kids, you will find me up until 2am the night before Halloween (or the school party, whichever comes first) hot gluing, stitching, ironing and generally obsessing like a deranged person over the most sure to go unnoticed details of their costumes. Last year, Trey wanted to be a robot. You should have seen my unrestrained, sheer glee and merriment over this choice. I have ALWAYS wanted to make a robot costume. Remember those kids at school with the dryer vent arms and legs! Oh what rapture filled my bosom (that's for you steenky bee! )as I scoured the hardware store, goodwill and the used appliance parts store for supplies. I have made Dorothy, witch & Cinderella dresses, cow, bat and dalmation costumes and purchased with much excitement, all manner of costumes sparkly and plush, but THIS, this was to be my masterpiece (mwahahaha)!
So, in case you are wondering, yes, the robot costume ROCKED. His helmet had a light on top that really flashed. He had knobs that spun, dryer vent arms and legs, metallic spray painted shoes and a metal sign on the back that read, "EXIT ONLY", 'cuz I'm a spaz like that, AND he was the envy of 3rd grade boys far and near. Yes, the look of adoration and hugs of sincere gratitude from a very happy "Treybot 0300" made it all worth it.
The problem is, now, he seems to truly believe that I am the master of all costuming and is completely confident in my ability to create his alter ego for this year... An Ipod. Of course, I can't just phone it in now and slap some poster paint on a box- oh no. He's googled Ipod costumes and the one he wants his to look like was made by some kind of engineering/construction/tailoring genius.
Crap. Guess I'll be up until 3am this year. (You know I love it!)
When Trey was about 4, we had just passed a local landmark which is a 2 story rabbit, dressed in what looks like a Maytag repairman uniform. He is the mascot for Harvey's Marine. At Halloween, he holds a giant pumpkin in his hands, a tree at Christmas etc.
Anyway, I point it out to the kids, "Look, it's Harvey the rabbit!" "Why would a marine shop have a rabbit for a mascot?", they wonder. So, I go into the whole thing about how "there was this movie with the same guy from "It's a Wonderful Life", that was also a play, but I don't know which came first... but the guy in the movie had a best friend who was an invisible 10 foot rabbit." By this time, they have lost all interest and I just get a bored "oh" in response until several minutes later when Trey, confused look on his face, asks, "Mom? Did the rabbit also have 10 legs?"
#1 Me: "Logey Pogey! It's time to get up!" Logan: (from underneath the covers)"The person you are trying to reach is not available, please leave a message... Beeep!"
#2 Me: "I told you to pick these markers up off of the floor, blah, blah, blah!" Logan: "Please stop talking to me!" Me: "EXCUSE ME???" Logan: "I SAID please."
#3 Logan: (as I am in her room gathering dirty laundry) "Uhm, can you go now, this is Logan time, NOT Mommy/Logan time." Me: "Excuse ME, would you like to take this laundry downstairs youself?" Logan: "Sorry ma'am, but you'll have to leave in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...