We're probably not going to take it, thank you anyway.

So no- I didn't write this, it is from The Onion- but I thought it was funny and might make up for how long it is taking me to do my meme and picture tag!

Twisted Sister was one of the first albums I owned. The cover with Dee Snyder gnawing on a bone just felt so dangerous and wrong that I know it had to be good! I recently downloaded loaded a few of their songs onto Lindsey's Ipod without asking her (and a bunch of Aerosmith, some Beastie Boyz & Joan Jett- you know- classics!)- cuz- she doesn't know what she likes yet... it's up to me to teach her- right? I had to do something to counterbalance the Jonas Brothers and High School Musical tracks.

Members Of Twisted Sister Now Willing To Take It

September 29, 2008 Issue 44•40

NEW YORK—In a stunning reversal of their long-stated reluctance to take it, members of heavy-metal band Twisted Sister announced Monday that, after 24 years of fervent refusal, they are now willing to take it. "I acknowledge that we promised not to take it anymore, but things change. The world is a different place today, and with that in mind, we would like to go on record as saying that, starting right now, we are going to take it," read a statement released by the band's lead singer, Dee Snider. "To clarify, we would still prefer not to take it, but as of now, taking it is an option that we would be open to. That is all." Bassist Mark "the Animal" Mendoza also stated that, in regards to what he wants to do with his life, he no longer solely wants to rock, but would instead prefer doing other things, such as raising a family and working as a claims adjuster in Rye, NY.

Smurf you!

Today, Lindsey made the mistake of tackling the remote away from Ricky and surfing through Hanna Montana and Wizards of Waverly Place while we boo'd and heckled her only to stop on some random program that was highlighting celebrity Smurf figurines. Oh, it was ON after that and she will live to rue the day... RUE it I tell you!!! (She already does BTW)

Ricky: "Give me back the Smurfin' remote before I Smurf you!"

Me: "Yeah, you Smurfing Smurfy Smurf!

Lindsey: "AAAhh, what the heck, you freaks!"

Me: "Don't you Smurf off to Papa Smurf like that... that's just Smurful and will not be Smurfed around here!"

Ricky: "Yeah, don't make me Smurf open a can of Smurf on your Smurf... you unSmurfull Smurfity Smurf-Smurf!"

Lindsey: "Stop... you're scaring me!"

Us: "You should have Smurfed of that before you Smurfed the Smurf and Smurfed the channel!"

Lindsey: Nothing- by this time, she is slowly walking to her room with her head in her hands to come to terms with the fact that she is stuck with us for 7 more years.

Us: (As we high five) "I guess we Smurfed her!"

Treybot 0300

It's Halloween time! If you know me, you l know I LUVS me some Halloween. First, I get all excited and buy candy the first week of October so I can be, you know, prepared. Then, oops, somehow it gets accidentally opened and devoured. Multiply this sequence of events by about 4 or 5 before the actual big night which then finds me running to WinCo to buy waaay too much of whatever candy is left because I DO NOT want to be that house that runs out of candy. No sirree- the only thing worse, is being the house that is handing out toothbrushes. What is up with those people? Spending the day after Halloween unwrapping TP off of their trees and bushes- that's what!

My parents were just not into Halloween. If we got a pumpkin, it was out of a bin in front of the grocery store the day before Halloween and let's just say, I dressed up like a hobo a lot. While my friends all had rockin costumes that their mothers had lovingly made, or purchased, I would end up grabbing one of my dad's flannel shirts and making "whiskers" on my face with mascara. Oh well, there are worse things in life, but don't let that resignation fool you into thinking that despite that, I don't ridiculously overcompensate with my own kids!

We go to a REAL pumpkin patch every year. And not those lame, pretend pumpkin patches that just truck pumpkins in and scatter them all over the ground with some straw... that's an abomination! I want to see the vine from which my gourd hath grown!

No last minute hobo costumes for my kids either. Because I LOVE my kids, you will find me up until 2am the night before Halloween (or the school party, whichever comes first) hot gluing, stitching, ironing and generally obsessing like a deranged person over the most sure to go unnoticed details of their costumes. Last year, Trey wanted to be a robot. You should have seen my unrestrained, sheer glee and merriment over this choice. I have ALWAYS wanted to make a robot costume. Remember those kids at school with the dryer vent arms and legs! Oh what rapture filled my bosom (that's for you steenky bee! )as I scoured the hardware store, goodwill and the used appliance parts store for supplies. I have made Dorothy, witch & Cinderella dresses, cow, bat and dalmation costumes and purchased with much excitement, all manner of costumes sparkly and plush, but THIS, this was to be my masterpiece (mwahahaha)!

So, in case you are wondering, yes, the robot costume ROCKED. His helmet had a light on top that really flashed. He had knobs that spun, dryer vent arms and legs, metallic spray painted shoes and a metal sign on the back that read, "EXIT ONLY", 'cuz I'm a spaz like that, AND he was the envy of 3rd grade boys far and near. Yes, the look of adoration and hugs of sincere gratitude from a very happy "Treybot 0300" made it all worth it.

The problem is, now, he seems to truly believe that I am the master of all costuming and is completely confident in my ability to create his alter ego for this year... An Ipod. Of course, I can't just phone it in now and slap some poster paint on a box- oh no. He's googled Ipod costumes and the one he wants his to look like was made by some kind of engineering/construction/tailoring genius.

Crap. Guess I'll be up until 3am this year. (You know I love it!)

Vintage Trey

When Trey was about 4, we had just passed a local landmark which is a 2 story rabbit, dressed in what looks like a Maytag repairman uniform. He is the mascot for Harvey's Marine. At Halloween, he holds a giant pumpkin in his hands, a tree at Christmas etc.

Anyway, I point it out to the kids, "Look, it's Harvey the rabbit!" "Why would a marine shop have a rabbit for a mascot?", they wonder. So, I go into the whole thing about how "there was this movie with the same guy from "It's a Wonderful Life", that was also a play, but I don't know which came first... but the guy in the movie had a best friend who was an invisible 10 foot rabbit." By this time, they have lost all interest and I just get a bored "oh" in response until several minutes later when Trey, confused look on his face, asks, "Mom? Did the rabbit also have 10 legs?"

I don't know WHERE she gets this from

3 Recent conversations with Logan (6years old):

#1
Me: "Logey Pogey! It's time to get up!"
Logan: (from underneath the covers)"The person you are trying to reach is not available, please leave a message... Beeep!"

#2
Me: "I told you to pick these markers up off of the floor, blah, blah, blah!"
Logan: "Please stop talking to me!"
Me: "EXCUSE ME???"
Logan: "I SAID please."

#3
Logan: (as I am in her room gathering dirty laundry) "Uhm, can you go now, this is Logan time, NOT Mommy/Logan time."
Me: "Excuse ME, would you like to take this laundry downstairs youself?"
Logan: "Sorry ma'am, but you'll have to leave in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Good thing she's so cute.

Peanut, peanut butter and Jelly!

Ever have one of those days? Ever know it is going to be one of those days within 5 minutes of getting out of bed? Erm… me neither (cough)…

Last week, alarm clock goes off, sleepy mom hits the snooze… again, and again and again. Oops, one too many “agains“. Holy crap on a crouton, the kids have to be at school in 20 minutes!!! Ordinarily, the kids eat breakfast at school, but since we were running so late, they needed to scarf something down at home and since I was overdue for a trip to the grocery store, once the big kids ate the last of the cereal- the only thing left for Logan was one single piece of bread for toast.

In between hounding the kids to tie their shoes and find their library books, I anxiously watched for the toast to pop up. “Why is it taking so fricking long? “ I muttered, so I decide that it is plenty toasty thank you very much and lift up on the lever to manually pop it up. Apparently, I used too much force because, wheeee, the toast flew up, out of the slot with a graceful arc and slid perfectly down the ½ inch gap between the fridge and the counter where it can neither be seen, nor retrieved.

So, being the problem solver that I am, she had peanut butter and jelly on a hot dog bun for breakfast. PB&J dog’s for breakfast? Kid tested, mother approved! You may now commence with my nominations for Mother of the Year… or the anonymous calls to child protective services… whichever.

A 3 hour tour...

So the other night, we’re out to dinner with the kids and Ricky and I begin reminiscing about TV shows from the good old days, when we were kids. First, there were the old skool kid shows, like; The Great Space Coaster (get on board), Land of the Lost (Sleestacks still give me nightmares) and Electric Company (Hey you guuuys!!!) that were staples of many a morning waiting for the bus to come. But then, there were the after school classics, which we watched religiously every day, right up until about 5 minutes before our parents got home from work so that we could tear around the house and get our chores done. We’re talking, I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched and the best of all… Gilligan’s Island.

The kid’s eyes widened… “what is this Gilligan’s Island you speak of…was it like LOST?” “Oh better“, I begin, as the kids lean in close to hear more. “There were these people who went on a boat tour“, “A THREE HOUR TOUR”, Ricky elaborates. “Yes”, I continue, ‘The weather started getting rough, and their tiny ship was tossed. If it weren’t for the spirit of the fearless crew… the Minnow would be lost.” “But the Minnow was lost”, Ricky reminds me. Tossing him a glare, I say, “Thank you Professor… anyway, they were stuck on this Island and all they had to eat were coconuts, bananas and pineapple, except for the one time when these radioactive seeds washed up on shore and they grew the vegetables and all got superhuman powers from eating them.”

The kids were beyond excited by this point as Ricky and I try to remember whether it was Maryanne who got long range eyesight from the radioactive carrots and Mrs. Howell who was running around like she was on meth from the beets or the other way around. Then, as we painstakingly described how the Professor once made a mind reading machine out of coconuts, we were abruptly stopped by Trey, who demanded to know why he would waste his time doing that instead of inventing a way for them to be rescued. How dare he question the Professor! Despite the potential gaps in the logic of the plot lines (something LOST never has), the kids have been bugging us ever since to watch it. As soon as I figure out why my computer won’t download Adobe Flash Player, I’m sure we’ll have many hours of family bonding over YouTube episodes.

I’m sure Trey will continue to demand explanations, but this is the same kid who, when asked what one thing he would bring with him on a deserted island replies, “Duh, an airplane!"